Tuesday, February 11, 2014

To React or Reply? That is the question....

I have little notes taped all around my computer and desk.  For example, on the edges of my monitor I have “interruption=opportunity”, “Suck in, Tuck in, and Smile!” and “Just Keep Smiling!”.  On my file cabinet I have “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ~ Mother Theresa” and “But as for me, I will sing about your power.  Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love.  For you have been my refuge, a place of safety when I am in distress. ~ Psalm 59:16”  And,  right next to me I have “One kind word can change someone's entire day.”  The trouble is, one unkind word can also ruin it.  Ever have one of those days?  I’m having one right now.  Sometimes, when you are distracted, trying to solve several problems at once, you don’t always pay close attention to the way your words or actions are perceived.  Sometimes you can unintentionally be seemingly short with someone and not even realize you’ve done it.  I’m not the rude sort.  I care about people’s feelings deeply. I dislike confrontation immensely and generally try to avoid it when at all possible. So when communication goes wrong, and someone thinks that I have insulted or been rude to them, it really upsets me.  I guess what bothers me most is that someone who knows me, could think I would actually act that way, on purpose.  In my Sunday School class this past week our teacher said something that really stuck (one of many things).  He said when faced with an accusation or a false perception we need to reply….not react.  It really made a lot of sense and honestly, I did already know this.  I mean you can’t be a Minister’s Wife for 26 years and not understand the value of well thought out replies to criticism.  I guess I just hadn’t thought about it in a while.  You see, to “react” to the situation is not always the best idea.  Reactions are often instant, not completely thought through and can escalate the problem.  When you stop, try to understand where the other person is coming from, and then "reply" in a respectful way, it can completely change the situation for the better.  You have to lay aside the blame game.  You have to lay aside making excuses and really look at why the other person feels the way they do.  It’s terribly hard to be calm and kind when someone is being difficult.  But then, I look back at my favorite quote by my desk, “Leave everything you do, every place you go, everything you touch a little better for your having been there. ~ Julie Andrews” and I think, ok…how do I turn this situation around so that I leave it, and the person involved, feeling even better than before.  That is my ultimate goal.  I don’t always succeed and that bothers me.  But, I try very hard, and in the end I guess that’s what counts, to leave more happiness than distress at the end of the day.  

So, the newest addition to the words of wisdom surrounding my desk….

Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.”


Blessings,
Amy