Hardest Thing I've Ever Written...

Friends and family, I have debated as to whether or not to share this and I’ve decided that knowing you are all praying for me can only give me more strength to face the battle I’ve just been thrown into against my will. I learned today that I have breast cancer. I can’t believe I just typed those words. This can’t be true. This can’t be me. But it is. I have cried until I think I can’t possibly have any tears left, but I do...an endless supply it seems. I used to think tears were a sign of weakness, but now I think it’s good to let them out, to let them run their course. Holding them in feels worse. I am thankful that it seems to have been caught early and angry that it wasn’t caught back in March when I told them something was weird, had a mammogram and was assured everything was fine. Obviously, it was not. If you are ever unsure about what your Dr. tells you, I urge you to get another opinion. I have the most common type, with all the good characteristics at this point, as if cancer can be good. I will be having an MRI next week hopefully, please be praying they don’t find anything else to complicate matters, and a genetic test to see if I have the gene for breast cancer. I will also have several appointments. Surgeon, Oncologist, Radiologist, etc. in the next few weeks. If my MRI shows nothing else and my genetic test is negative, I will have a lumpectomy & lymph node biopsy very soon, possibly chemo (they’re not sure yet), several weeks of radiation and 5 years of tamoxifen. I am floating in a haze of anxiety and tears right now but in a few days, I intend to be in full warrior mode.
I need your prayers and I believe in praying specifically so here are some specifics you can pray for:

1. Nothing else on MRI (hopefully scheduled for next week)
2. Breast cancer gene negative (going in Monday for this, it’s just a cheek swab)
3. Surgery scheduled soon for Lumpectomy with clean margins and no lymph node involvement
4. Strength for me and for my family
5. Pray that we’re able to handle all this financially. I actually took out a cancer policy two years ago. I hope it helps.
6. And last for me to be able to stay on top of the panic attacks that seem endless. They are out of my control and that fact causes even more anxiety. 

My friends, I am blessed to know you. You have made a difference in my life or you wouldn’t be on my Friend’s list. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers on my behalf. They are powerful and they are heard by our Almighty God. I’m trusting in Him.

A Heart's Condition...

It’s Valentine’s week and I find myself thinking about love...about how I love my husband, children, family & friends and about the immeasurable love God has for us...and also, what a heart devoid of God’s love can become.

A heart, lacking the all-encompassing, unconditional, never-ending love that comes from a relationship with Christ, is left exposed and vulnerable and ripe for the filling of that void inside with the most heinous evil imaginable. It can harm every unprotected heart it touches and spread its blackness like a plague causing death and destruction of lives in its path. As dark and horrible and grotesque as that evil may seem, Christ can vanquish it. We’ve only to call upon His name. That doesn’t mean that once we’ve given our lives over to Him, that all our problems will cease to be. Actions beget consequences. But it does mean that from that point forward, whatever we face, we will not face it alone, and when we leave this sin-filled Earth, we will be with Him in Heaven, where there is no evil, no sickness, no pain, no tears, and no goodbyes. I’d rather spend my whole life believing and trusting in God and His promises than spend one day believing there is no hope of anything after this life is over. I’d rather spend my whole life believing in God’s love for me and loving people the way Jesus loves them than spend one day without knowing that kind of love.

My prayer for anyone reading this at this moment is that you would fill up your heart with God’s love. That you would surrender your heart to His keeping. There is no one who loves you more.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” ~ 1 Peter 5

“Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle, you will still be standing firm.” ~ Ephesians 6:13


Amy 💗

This is me....and you might not like it....but that's OK!

There are so many ridiculous things going on in this world these days. Things that even ten years ago I would have said would never happen. Grown men and women actually hissing during a President’s speech. Are you serious? How juvenile and disrespectful can you possibly be? I don’t care who the president is...it is disgusting behavior. With all that’s going on, I have some things I’d like to say so look out world because this educated, professional, middle-aged, middle-class, wife & mom of 3, would like to speak. The opinions in this post are mine. You don’t have to agree! I won’t hate if you if don’t. :) But I do not believe for one instant that a bunch of politicians (on either side) or the elite Hollywood celebs who don’t live in the real world speak for me or for most of America. **Warning...this might offend you. If it does, do what most people do when they don’t like something….stop reading and walk away. Thank you.

1. Women wearing “twat” hats and carrying disgustingly crude signs do NOT speak for me. This is not who I want any young women I know to emulate...ever. They’ve taken a woman’s body and made it disgusting and crude. This is not how you gain respect.
   
2. I believe all women should be treated respectfully by men. I believe that anyone making unwanted advances needs to be told NO in no uncertain terms and if it happens again then they should be reported. But don’t tease and flirt if you don’t want the attention. That’s just as bad and should not be tolerated.
   
3. If you made a bad decision years ago and now regret it, that doesn’t mean you were sexually abused. It means you made a bad decision. Learn from it. Pretending to be a victim hurts those who have truly been abused and makes people less likely to believe those who have truly been hurt.
   
4. I am paid the exact same amount as the men who do the same job as me. I always have been.
   
5. I am just as respected as the men at my workplace.
   
6. I am a strong, independent, intelligent, professional, woman. I am not a victim.
   
7. I am NOT a feminist. Feminist means man-hater these days and I do not want to be associated with any group whose message is hate. I have three wonderful sons and a loving husband. I love and respect them and great many more men in my life. Men are not the enemy.
   
8. There are things I can do that men can’t. There are things men can do that I can’t and I am ok with that! We are NOT the same! Being different is good!
   
9. My skin is white. My heritage is Irish, English, German….and more. My ancestors immigrated to America as did the ancestors of nearly every single person living here today. I didn’t choose my heritage. I didn’t choose to be born white. I will not apologize for being born white. No one should have to apologize for the color of their skin, no matter what color they are. We are all part of the human race and come in a myriad of beautiful colors. We all bleed the same red blood.
   
10. I believe if you come to America, you need to do it legally, period. I believe that if you are not an American citizen, then you do not have the right to vote in our elections. What other country lets non-citizens vote?! Common sense is dead!
    
11. I believe the public assistance system needs to be reformed and before you say anything, Yes my children and I were once on WIC! Guess what? I got a JOB and did my part to get us off of public assistance. I did not sit around letting the government support me. It’s hard work, something a lot of people seem to be afraid of these days. (I sound like an old person but it's true...young whippersnappers!)
    
12. Just because we disagree on some things, it doesn’t mean I hate you. It means I disagree with you. We are different people. We cannot always agree, but we can at least try to understand the other person’s point of view, and in the end, if we cannot understand then we will just have to agree to disagree. Simple. You don’t need to organize a polarizing protest and yell angry expletives at those who disagree with you. Stand respectfully for what you believe in, but don’t turn to angry, hurtful, crude behavior. Have some self-respect.
    
13. Christians have been given a bad rap in recent years. I read things like “Right-wing, Conservative, Christian, gun-toting, racists and think...how many people think that’s what Christians actually are? Apparently, a lot of the younger generation actually believe this stuff, getting most of their information from celebrities and social media where half-truths and outright lies run rampant, and because of the number of shares become truth in their minds. Don’t believe anything you read on social media! It is a tactic used to sway social opinion and is frequently used by the media to spread a rumor as a truth and then later “retract” after the damage has been done. Let me repeat that...you cannot trust social media! Instead, do some research, listen to both side of an argument and make your decisions based on your beliefs, not someone else's.
    
14. I believe in the 2nd amendment but, I do not believe anyone needs to own an assault rifle and this needs to be changed immediately. Again….common sense is dead.
    
15. As a middle-aged, Christian, fairly conservative, non-partisan, American, Mom & Wife, I believe in a loving God who created us in His image, each one different, yet equal in worth. I believe in equal rights, equal pay, immigration reform, and term limits. I am pro-life because I cannot fathom ripping a defenseless, tiny, human from its mother’s womb and throwing its tiny body parts in the trash. I believe in loving my neighbor as myself, no matter their color, lifestyle or belief system. I believe in treating other humans with respect, even when they choose differently, and even though I believe in that...I fail miserably at times. I believe that I am imperfect and capable of making horrible mistakes and so are you. I believe in forgiveness, given to me by God because I asked Him to be Lord of my life and to help me live the kind of life that glorifies Him and in kind, I believe in forgiving others. If God can forgive me, who am I not to forgive others? That doesn't mean it's easy.
    
16. I believe that it is completely your choice whether or not to believe in God. Does it break my heart to see so many refuse Him? It does. But that doesn’t mean I hate you. It doesn’t mean I am going to make fun of you or say hurtful things about you or thump my Bible and tell you you’re going to Hell in a handbasket. You can read the Bible and decide for yourself what you believe. It is my job to live a life that is pleasing to God and to share His unconditional love with anyone who will listen. You don’t have to listen. It is not my job to save you. It is my job to treat you with loving kindness and respect, even when you do not do the same for me. Again, this is not easy.
    
17. Not everyone who says they are Christian are actually Christian. Perhaps you’re familiar with this verse from the Bible? I like this modern translation of Matthew 7:15-20: “Be wary of false preachers/teachers who smile a lot, dripping with practiced sincerity. Chances are they are out to rip you off some way or other. Don’t be impressed with charisma; look for character. Who they are is the main thing, not what they say. A genuine leader will never exploit your emotions or your pocketbook. These diseased trees with their bad apples are going to be chopped down and burned. Basically….actions speak louder than words folks! 
18. Being a good sport goes both ways. Being a good loser is just as important as being a good winner. It is poor sportsmanship to flaunt your win in your opponent's face. It is equally poor to have an angry temper tantrum when you lose. The fact is, life isn’t fair. It never will be fair. If you haven’t learned that, you’re in for a rude awakening when you enter the real world. You will not always be the winner. Life doesn't give participation trophies. Sometimes, you lose hard. Sometimes, you fall on your face. Sometimes, someone less deserving than you will win. Sometimes, people will disagree with you. Sometimes, life will be very, very hard. The sooner you learn to deal with loss & disappointment in as positive a way as possible, the better off you’ll be. And, if by some chance you end up winning most of the time...be humble. In other words don’t be haughty or arrogant. Those are traits no one values and will not win you any friends.  

If you read all of this then you know me pretty well at this point. This is who I am. You might not like it all and that’s ok. I want this to live as a legacy to who I was and what I stood for. One day my great, great grandchildren might read this and, if they do, I want them to know that I have on this day, Jan. 31, 2018, prayed for them to be strong, independent, compassionate, honest, kind-hearted faithful men and women of God. The world they will be born into will look very different from the one I live in now. It may be better, or it may be worse, but the most important thing is that they live a life completely surrendered to our Lord and Savior because there is nothing more important in any life, in any time, than that.

Amy

Isaiah 43: 1-5

"...Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
    I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
    When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
    it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
    The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
    all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That’s how much you mean to me!
    That’s how much I love you!
I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,
    trade the creation just for you.

5-7 “So don’t be afraid: I’m with you..."