This post is dedicated to my soul mate, the love of my life, my gift from God, my husband.
I've had people ask me, "You've been married a long time. So what's the secret to a happy marriage?" That usually makes me laugh. Not because mine isn't happy, because it usually is, but because I cannot fathom why someone would think I know! I do realize that being married, and staying that way, is a bit out of the ordinary these day. Let me begin by saying that I've had wonderful examples in my life. My parents, grandparents & great grandparents all stayed together and they were happily married. I never thought about divorce when I was growing up. It was never an option in my mind when I got married. Now, I will stop there to say that IF I had married someone who was abusive, that would have been a deal breaker. So don't think for one second I am telling you that kind of behavior is OK to live with, because it's not. I have been blessed with a very gentle man....often stubborn, yes....but gentle. I'm very stubborn myself, so if we ever have issues it usually stems from that character trait. If I had to say who is more stubborn...well I have to confess, it's probably me. I have known my sweet husband since 1987 when he became Choir Director at my little church in Chattanooga, TN. After knowing each other for about a year, we started dating, and 2 months later we were engaged. We were married 6 months after our first date and moved to Fort Worth, Texas for him to complete his Master's at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. The rest, as they say, is history. Twenty-seven plus years later, here we are. Through those years we have raised 3 boys, lived in 5 different states, served at 7 (I think) different churches, and somehow managed not to kill each other! Truly, we have had some very difficult times. Things that, if not for the grace of God and our mutual trust in Him, could have driven us apart. You have to come to terms with the fact that you are both imperfect. Now I'll tell you a little secret. I love my husband beyond measure, truly. When I think about how much I love him, it makes my heart overflow. To think of my life without him brings me physical pain. Truly he can exasperate me sometimes, especially when he's being grouchy or impatient. But I have learned that if he is being grouchy then I need to try to encourage him in some way. If he is very impatient, I need to help him refocus and try to understand the situation...smooth the ruffled feathers so to speak. You see, I am his polar opposite in many ways. I don't always get it right. Sometimes I snap back. Sometimes I sulk. Sometimes I grouch right back. But these days, I do try to stop, take a deep breath and think about how I can smooth things out for him. I'm a pretty relaxed person. I take most things in stride. He's a bit more high strung, tends to panic and get worked up over things. He's is a musician after all, haha! I have a pretty positive outlook on life and like to dream. He's more realistic and in the moment. We are both pretty reserved, although I tend to be a little more outgoing once I get to know you. We both require some "me" time each day to recharge our batteries. I can get so overdrawn in the "me" time department that I simply cannot deal with social interaction on occasion. When that happens and I start to shut down, he seems to know instinctively, whether consciously or not, and lets me stay home to regroup. We compliment each other in so many ways. I have found that when we are at odds it is because one or usually both of us are being selfish. In marriage the two separate people become one. You wouldn't slap your right hand because it got the cookie before your left one would you? (If so may I suggest professional help) You wouldn't stomp your right foot because the left one got ahead would you? Well...not on purpose! What do you do when you cut your left finger? You use your other hand to sooth it, bandage it, help it heal. Your mate is your other half. Your mate is the right to your left. You are one. When my mate is upset or unhappy, so am I and I want to do what I can to sooth him, ease the hurt, and help him feel better. That way we will both be happy. All that said, the most important equation in all of this is our personal relationship with God. If you're relationship with God is not at the center of your relationship with your spouse, you are missing the key to happiness. We've had seasons where we were at peace, and we've had seasons where we were hanging on by a prayer. Without a loving God to show us how to love each other, how to care for each other, how to forgive each other, we'd have lost the battle long ago. So, what's the secret to a happy marriage? I'm still learning, even after all these years, and I will still be learning on the day God calls me home. But this one thing I do know, it would not be possible without God at the center of it all.
Genesis 2:22-23
Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man."
Proverbs 31:10
A wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth more than rubies.
Ephesians 5:28
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife, loves himself.
Proverbs 15:15
A miserable heart means a miserable life; a cheerful heart fills the day with song.
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