Hardest Thing I've Ever Written...

Friends and family, I have debated as to whether or not to share this and I’ve decided that knowing you are all praying for me can only give me more strength to face the battle I’ve just been thrown into against my will. I learned today that I have breast cancer. I can’t believe I just typed those words. This can’t be true. This can’t be me. But it is. I have cried until I think I can’t possibly have any tears left, but I do...an endless supply it seems. I used to think tears were a sign of weakness, but now I think it’s good to let them out, to let them run their course. Holding them in feels worse. I am thankful that it seems to have been caught early and angry that it wasn’t caught back in March when I told them something was weird, had a mammogram and was assured everything was fine. Obviously, it was not. If you are ever unsure about what your Dr. tells you, I urge you to get another opinion. I have the most common type, with all the good characteristics at this point, as if cancer can be good. I will be having an MRI next week hopefully, please be praying they don’t find anything else to complicate matters, and a genetic test to see if I have the gene for breast cancer. I will also have several appointments. Surgeon, Oncologist, Radiologist, etc. in the next few weeks. If my MRI shows nothing else and my genetic test is negative, I will have a lumpectomy & lymph node biopsy very soon, possibly chemo (they’re not sure yet), several weeks of radiation and 5 years of tamoxifen. I am floating in a haze of anxiety and tears right now but in a few days, I intend to be in full warrior mode.
I need your prayers and I believe in praying specifically so here are some specifics you can pray for:

1. Nothing else on MRI (hopefully scheduled for next week)
2. Breast cancer gene negative (going in Monday for this, it’s just a cheek swab)
3. Surgery scheduled soon for Lumpectomy with clean margins and no lymph node involvement
4. Strength for me and for my family
5. Pray that we’re able to handle all this financially. I actually took out a cancer policy two years ago. I hope it helps.
6. And last for me to be able to stay on top of the panic attacks that seem endless. They are out of my control and that fact causes even more anxiety. 

My friends, I am blessed to know you. You have made a difference in my life or you wouldn’t be on my Friend’s list. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers on my behalf. They are powerful and they are heard by our Almighty God. I’m trusting in Him.